Tears

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving



This week, paint us a picture of a time when you cried. Maybe it was recent, maybe it was ages ago. Maybe it was tears of grief over a break-up, or tears of joy over an engagement. Maybe you cry when you get mad, or perhaps you cry when you're laughing hysterically. Perhaps you have a hard time crying at all. Pick one time, and color the story for us.

I am the mother of two children ages 5 and almost 3 and I am pregnant with my third child.
Today I have an appointment for a sonogram with my perinatologist (because I am advanced maternal age).
My son is so excited because today he finds out if we are having a boy or a girl. He really wants a brother because you see he already has a sister. I have explained to him that we don't get to pick the gender of the baby. G-d gives us what/who we need in our family. He says he understands but he hopes G-d knows he needs a brother and not another sister.
My husband has taken a few hours off of work to accompany me to my appointment. We leave the children with the grandparents and we assure our son that he will be the first one to know about his little brother or sister.
We get to the doctor's office and our sonogram goes as expected. Dr. H is looking over the baby in detail and is quiet as usual. Soon he asks us if we want to know the baby's gender and we informed him we did.
A boy!
My husband calls our son right then and there and everyone in the room could hear his squeal of joy -woooo hooo I have a brother.
I began to shed some tears. I know how loved this baby is already.
A few moments later Dr. H explains he found a problem with the baby's heart.
My warm fuzzy feeling begins to turn to fear.
The baby has a hole in his heart - a VSD - moderate sized.
surgery, defect, chromosomal abnormality, damage, die in-utero, surgery, probabilities, down syndrome, amnio, now.
Now my fear is panic and the tears flow for my little guy who is in trouble.
Dr H explains that it could be one of four issues.
This particular defect is indicative of a chromosomal abnormality that will result most likely with death in-utero. Trysomy 18 & ?? If it is not a trysomy issue it could be down syndrome. Lastly, it is simply a heart defect that will require open heart surgery some time after birth.
He suggests we do an amnio to see what we will be dealing with.
The tears just flow quietly.
We have the amnio and we are sent on our way to wait for results.
As we get into the car, I call my mom to explain to her what is going on so there will not be a lot of questions to answer in front of our children.
I cry so I can be happy with my son who is beaming at the thought of having a little brother.


In the end baby is fine. Not only is he fine but his heart healed on it's own before birth.
Days before he arrived I had a sonogram to take to the pediatric cardiologist. This sonogram when on for more than two hours so all angles of the heart could be seen. Dr. H turned to me and said, "I don't know how to tell you this but, his heart is healed. I can't see any sign of seepage anywhere!"
I cried. I still cry when I think of the answered prayers of that day.

Fill in the Blanks...

1. My current favorite song is: Cast a Stone - Monte Montgomery. I knew Monte when he was a teenager and just starting out in San Antonio. Now he graces the cover of Acoustic Guitar magazine. His talent was clear from the start. I loved to watch him play guitar. The song is from his first CD and I just recently put it on my MP3 player. I can't get it out of my head.

2. The last book I read was: Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie. There is a nice lady at my son's Kenseido class that is an avid reader. After several conversations about books she has offered a list of books she thought I would enjoy. This was the first from that list. Next on my list is The Namesake.

3. The last book I bought was: Bee Season by Myla Goldberg. I just started this one last night. So far, it is very enjoyable.

4. The last cd I bought was: I cannot remember.

5. Another CD I wanted but didn't buy is: David Wilcox. Last time I was looking for music I noticed he had released 3 Cd's since 1999- the last time I purchased a CD.

6. Right now, I'm wearing: PJ's

7. The last gift I bought was: Books. My son's birthday was last week, my nephew's birthday is this week and Christmas is a few weeks away. Books from Amazon for everyone.

8. The last time I laughed heartily and loudly: What time is it?

9. My favorite holiday ornament is: Abigail's first Christmas. It is a little album with a place for her picture and it tells all the detail's of her first Christmas.

10. My house smells like: Coffee...it is 6:30am

11. The first thing on my to-do list tomorrow is: Make phone calls- doctor's appointments- check up's are over due.

12. If I could sit on Santa's lap and believe that he'd bring me whatever toy I wished for, I'd ask for: a digital camera. The one I have been looking at at Costco.

13. If I could holiday shop in ONE store, all expenses paid, I'd shop at: Barnes and Noble. Books and more books, Cds, Dvds, moleskins, calendars, games- something for everyone.

14. If an angel alighted on my doorstep today and said, "I'm here to grant a Christmas wish," I'd wish for: Kindness. I would like people to behave with kindness and manners.

15. When I see a bell ringer while out shopping, I: wonder what percentage of the money collected actually goes to help someone in need.

Treasure

When I was a nanny I worked and lived with a family that had millions of dollars.
I was lucky to experience their life without all of the other trappings.
I am a middle class American.
What that means is in the big picture of life I have wealth beyond measure.
I never go hungry.
I am able to control the climate in my home to keep our family comfortable.
I can afford good health care and I am blessed with great doctors.
My husband has a great job that allows me to be home with our children.
I have a choice on how I educate my boys and my daughter (how many girls in the world are not allowed to be educated).
We have not one, but two cars.
We have a nice home and we are building another.
I really like my husband. He is so funny and supportive and very cute.
We are all healthy.
I really like my mom and get to see her all the time.
I have friends.
I spend money on scrapbooking and stamps because it is fun.
I have books. I can own them. I can borrow them. I can read what I want. I can talk about it.
Relative to the world population I am wealthy beyond measure.
I often think about why I was born into this instead of born into a family in India, or Africa or China or Iraq - why have I been given so much?
I have treasure beyond measure.

Nuggets

*Sometimes love is a decision not an emotion.-SP
*Keep your own counsel.....Mom
*Concern yourself with your own behavior, not what everyone else is doing- me to my children
*Don't be so hard on yourself -DW
*They are all out to get you -Dh when I am too serious about stupid things.

5 Open Letters

To all the bad drivers on the road: Lucky you I don't get to make the laws. Speeding, failure to yield, failure to use your turn signal, tailgating, and speeding in a school zone would result in a loss of your driving privilege.
Just obey the traffic laws.

To my Dad: Some days I am so mad at you I could spit. You missed out and screwed me up in the process. Other days I am so sad for you because you missed out on making things right....grandchildren are the greatest do-over G-d gives us. You sure would love all of these little guys.

To the man Samuel will become: You are such a great joy in my life. There are days I look at you and am amazed of the human being you are. In seven short years you have helped me become a better person. You are such a gift.

To my friends from SS...you know who you are. You don't even know what a life line SS has been for me. But more than the daily banter on-line I have the honor of calling a few of you my real friends. Waco was so much fun. I have met some of the funniest people in the whole world. I sure love to laugh. And Di...I probably would have never attended one of these events without you!

To my sow: you gave me the best gift on my birthday. I will keep that card for the rest of my life. Every time I look at a snowflake I will remember your kind words.
I feel sorry for the rest of the world...everyone should have a sow. BS