Tears

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving



This week, paint us a picture of a time when you cried. Maybe it was recent, maybe it was ages ago. Maybe it was tears of grief over a break-up, or tears of joy over an engagement. Maybe you cry when you get mad, or perhaps you cry when you're laughing hysterically. Perhaps you have a hard time crying at all. Pick one time, and color the story for us.

I am the mother of two children ages 5 and almost 3 and I am pregnant with my third child.
Today I have an appointment for a sonogram with my perinatologist (because I am advanced maternal age).
My son is so excited because today he finds out if we are having a boy or a girl. He really wants a brother because you see he already has a sister. I have explained to him that we don't get to pick the gender of the baby. G-d gives us what/who we need in our family. He says he understands but he hopes G-d knows he needs a brother and not another sister.
My husband has taken a few hours off of work to accompany me to my appointment. We leave the children with the grandparents and we assure our son that he will be the first one to know about his little brother or sister.
We get to the doctor's office and our sonogram goes as expected. Dr. H is looking over the baby in detail and is quiet as usual. Soon he asks us if we want to know the baby's gender and we informed him we did.
A boy!
My husband calls our son right then and there and everyone in the room could hear his squeal of joy -woooo hooo I have a brother.
I began to shed some tears. I know how loved this baby is already.
A few moments later Dr. H explains he found a problem with the baby's heart.
My warm fuzzy feeling begins to turn to fear.
The baby has a hole in his heart - a VSD - moderate sized.
surgery, defect, chromosomal abnormality, damage, die in-utero, surgery, probabilities, down syndrome, amnio, now.
Now my fear is panic and the tears flow for my little guy who is in trouble.
Dr H explains that it could be one of four issues.
This particular defect is indicative of a chromosomal abnormality that will result most likely with death in-utero. Trysomy 18 & ?? If it is not a trysomy issue it could be down syndrome. Lastly, it is simply a heart defect that will require open heart surgery some time after birth.
He suggests we do an amnio to see what we will be dealing with.
The tears just flow quietly.
We have the amnio and we are sent on our way to wait for results.
As we get into the car, I call my mom to explain to her what is going on so there will not be a lot of questions to answer in front of our children.
I cry so I can be happy with my son who is beaming at the thought of having a little brother.


In the end baby is fine. Not only is he fine but his heart healed on it's own before birth.
Days before he arrived I had a sonogram to take to the pediatric cardiologist. This sonogram when on for more than two hours so all angles of the heart could be seen. Dr. H turned to me and said, "I don't know how to tell you this but, his heart is healed. I can't see any sign of seepage anywhere!"
I cried. I still cry when I think of the answered prayers of that day.